I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
