I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
