Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
