I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
