I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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