i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
