Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
