So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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