How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
