I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
