One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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