Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
