I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
