If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
