she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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