I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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