A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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