i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
