i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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