i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
