at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
