Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
