I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
