in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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