I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
