I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
