Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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