tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
