hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
