i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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