How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
