Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
