I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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