So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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