i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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