I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
