Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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