I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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