so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
