Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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