Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
