I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
