I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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