I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
