now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
