D3 body, D1 cock
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
