You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
