he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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