Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
