Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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