kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
