Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
