As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
