Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
