Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
