he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's never too late to be topless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
